Take a Bow

8 months of my life wasted on someone I could care less about. I'm kinda angry, kinda disappointed that she wasn't as good as I thought she was. She can sit there all she wants and tell me how I was the one that messed things up, because I held another girl. Well, maybe if she wasn't such a horrible girlfriend, I would have stayed with her. She pushed me too much, and I reacted. I reacted in a way she never thought I would. I threatened her, and she never believed me.
Just goes to show I have more balls then she thinks. Now she wants to sit there and tell me that I don't have the balls to cut off all contact with her. I think that's just her being clingy and wanting to hear me say "I love you, I can't leave you"
But, guess what? I'm really close to just cutting off contact, really. I regret ever getting involved with her. She's just....not the girl I love, anymore. She changed a lot without realizing it. She thinks that she changed for the better....but, all she changed was how much she messes up. I don't believe in perfectionism, but I do believe in not hurting someone over and over again. She caused this, it's her fault. Not mine.

All my friends told me I could get better....and I found better. I just can't bring myself to go after her. It doesn't feel the same. I just don't wanna be involved in this drama, anymore. One minute she's making me happy, and I think about taking her back, and then the next minute she's posting her damn annoying pictures on Flickr. I swear, that girl has more friends over the internet then she does in real life. It makes me so angry, I regret ever forcing her into photography.
She's good, I'm not gonna lie, but she basically made it her life, and always posting these annoying self-portrait pictures. All of them I hate.

I think the biggest thing about her I hated the most, is how every time she messed up....which was very often, she would just say "Sorry". She was never sorry, she was just sorry she got caught. I told my friend Dustin that I hate her so much, I don't even want her to have a future. I want her to get hit by a bus.
She doesn't deserve to get married, have a good career, and have a family. She honestly doesn't..
I don't wanna see her happy. Sometimes, I just wanna see her suffer for my own self-amusement.
I don't know what kinda person that makes me, but after all the stuff she put me through, she deserves it. And I'm just waiting for it to happen.


I don't know what else to do, anymore.
I don't like her, my friends don't like her....but I can't kick her out of my life. Something is just...making me talk to her.
I don't mind it, I enjoy talking to her for the most part, I just wanna move on with my life.
I would love to date her...even after all these horrible, horrible things I just said about her. I would still date her. But I know her better then anyone. She says our relationship will change, but it won't. It'll go right back to how it was.
Her having fun making wrong decisions, and me being incredibly unhappy. Besides, she always kept me her little secret. Never told anyone we were dating. At least I told a few friends. She never did.
Every guy that would come along, she told them she's single.
What the hell? I hate her so much for doing stuff like that.
Even though she told me she changed...I know she didn't.
And she never will change, no matter how much she loves me and wants too.
I wonder what kinda guy will date her.....maybe a semi-good looking guy. Maybe have a few attractive talents...probably not all that smart...or presentable. Or romantic.
And he'll have sex with her...because of her incredibly unattractive low self-esteem.
But, whatever.
God help her....she needs it.

"But you put on quite a show, really had me going
But now it's time to go, curtains finally closing
That was quite a show, very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow"